Fifty Two

I know,

It’s been a while since I wrote, so here goes. I stopped writing because one time in class, I accidentally showed a draft of one of my blog entries on the projector. I usually process my writing in a Word Processor before putting it online, because I usually keep a benchmark of 1 page double spaced to prevent myself from rambling or cutting things short. Phew, glad I vented about that. 🙂

I started real school. No more night school although the skills I gained in night school are indispensable. Right now, my goals are to obtain a degree in Toy Design and then work for a large toy company in Southern California. Then I want an MBA in management, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself again. Better to have a humble goal like that and take the time for myself than trying to reach an unattainable goal like getting a job at a science and technology company. My husband has told me better to aim lower and be the best than aim high and be the worst.

Also, I just want to pat myself on the back for keeping this blog up for so long. How long has it been? Four years? I’m scared to go back and check at how much of a wreck I was, but I feel it’s been pretty damn long. Another blog I’ve kept for this long is my Tumblr, which used to be a collection of feminist and super political memes and now turned into an artsy fartsy blog of things I can’t buy.

I will update on my progress in school once I get past my second or third semester. If you know me or have read my previous blogs, I may have blogged once or twice about withdrawing from my liberal arts college in the east coast. I ended up withdrawing from the school during my second semester and my sixth semester of my Neuroscience major. Therefore, let’s not make any promises we can’t keep.

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Forty Eight

Since I came back,

I’ve been having the worst nightmares about Smith. I’ve been having nightmares about failing, returning there, returning to high school, and as a result, I’ve been avoiding sleep like crazy. On good days, I sleep at 4 or at least climb into bed before 5. On excellent days, I sleep around 3, but on horrible nights, 5 or 6 in the morning. I’ve been having nightmares about Smith classmates, Smith friends, Smith teachers, Smith deadlines, and Smith activities.

I’m not surprised though. I spent only, what, two and half years there with one semester off in Southern California, yet it was such a struggle that it felt like five years. Actually, now that I am set on applying Art Center within the next two years, I’m not afraid of having a nightmare of Smith from my actual experiences there anymore. I have let go of everything except my farewells with my friends. We were so close. Some of them were abroad, and we were all looking forward to getting back together this fall. I am still bruised from saying goodbye, and I hope that hurt will heal when they graduate next year. I just want to see them happy.

I’m also glad I’m not the only one going after happiness and a better future. Today, I learned that the daughter of a cram school director dropped out of NYU and decided to go into music. She doesn’t plan on returning to college anytime soon and just forged forward on her own. I am happy for her, but I am also wondering if she is having the same nightmares too.

I realize that Asian parents (or is it parents in general?) don’t know how to talk to their children. “What’s the latest admissions rate? What’s the ranking? How did [name] get into Yale and Stanford? What’s [name]’s SAT score?” They listen to everyone else tell them what their children should do that they forget to listen to their own children’s needs. Yea, I said needs, because no one listens to “wants.” I wonder if any of those parents can answer, “Do you know what makes your child happy? What are their favorite things?”