Twenty Two

After spending an entire day indoors,

I should have known that I was going to lose my mind. By 8:30 PM, I wanted to cry or scream and throw myself against a wall and bang my head until I pass out. I took this as a red flag that I need to shower and end my day or my body will end it for me. Now that I’m fresh and ready for bed, I’m still trying to process that familiar trapped, hopeless, frustrated feeling from earlier, because I get it almost every other night. This is a problem and a very dangerous feeling.

There could be several reasons for sitting there dumbly with my mind screaming and buzzing out of control: 1. Hulu 2. Silence 3. Dehydration. Since today is a snow day, I spend my free time catching up on Special Victims, New Girl, Bones, and Modern Family. When it comes to me and TV shows, I’m one of those people who goes through the entire emotional rollercoaster with the characters and laughing and emotionally sniffing for multiple episodes for four TV series may have resulted in emotional exhaustion for me. During the afternoon, I was listening to music while I did my essay, reading, and more reading. After dinner, I neglected to plug in my earphones, and I must have lost track of time completely, which would have caused feelings of self-blame again. Another reason for me being tired is not drinking enough water. Pretty simple.

So I’m going to find a solution to each of those problems: 1. I will just avoid Hulu until Spring Break or something, since I usually don’t watch it when I’m busy anyways. Lesson learned. 2. I will make a habit of listening to music – an activity I enjoy anyways – to avoid losing control of my time and feeling like shit, which happens whenever I study. 3. Drink agua. Again, other than feeling weary, I feel totally safe and normal now. I organized my day tomorrow, and I’m ready to face the cold again (sort of). One more week, and I’m halfway to spring break, which means I’ll be halfway to California. I can do this.

 

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