Three

When the clock is ticking,

Each second presents this opportunity for us to let our lives rot or thrive. I have this habit of sitting still before leaping up, clearing the desk, and continuing on my next task before my schedule goes to waste. An on looker would think that I suddenly remembered something very important that is due soon, but without that now-or-never rush of adrenaline, I would never get anything done. By getting things done, I also mean moving on with my life. As I was recovering from my depression, which would freeze me whenever I approach a task that threatened my confidence with uncertainty or difficulty, I learned to find why I am scared of doing something, how I can fix it, and choose a solution. Each second therefore feels a true/false, yes/no, fill-in-the-blank, or choose from one of the following choices type of questions, and the minutes, hours, days, and weeks are composed of these tiny little moments and decisions that could change our lives. I have to remind myself each time I start browsing YouTube, Pinterest, or Facebook too much that I am putting myself in limbo again, and when I’m not sleeping, I should be moving mentally or physically. That is why being unproductive in front of a computer screen or indulging in too many of my favorite shows on Hulu depresses me. I’m letting my body and my mind rot, and I will never get those moments back. In those irretrievable moments, I could have read something informative and useful or opened a new career opportunity by sending an e-mail. In fact, the moments when I feel the most stuck are when I am overwhelmed with nothing to do, no choices to choose from — just a blank slate and a blank mind browsing the web for something to stimulate me.

Time is a continuous cycle. It sort of feels like an ocean wave. If you miss the first one, you can always muster the courage to paddle out and catch the next one, but you’ll never catch that first opportunity again.

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