Escapist Moment: Thinking about my future

 

Today was a pretty good day. I didn’t fail my calculus test and I did decently in an AP Government debate. So now, I’m just going to turn on my Spotify radio and treat myself to a stream of consciousness before cramming in my pre-med diagrams.

All I want to think about is what will happen once I get into Smith. I want to explore the nearby forest at dawn and stroll by the lake at sunset. Well, I wouldn’t see a sunset since I’d be in Massachusetts. I want to huddle with my housemates after a day of studying and classes. I want to visit the nursery and sit down at a bench somewhere and just drink my tea on a chilly day. I want those things to become a reality.

Then again, I learned from past experience not to set my mind too much on one goal. I remember crying for hours after I received a B on a test, just because I was unable to accept anything other than an A. Thankfully, I earned some B’s that allowed me to face reality and do better. Likewise, I decided that I won’t kill myself if Smith rejects me. I got Mount Holyoke, George Washington, University of Rochester, University of Michigan, and Boston University waiting for me. Of the list, a college admissions nerd would immediately assume that Boston University is my safety school. Yes, it is safe, but after I attended a conference for Boston University, it definitely isn’t my last. The conference talked about students who are extraordinary. There are BU students who talked one on one with the professors who won Nobel Peace prizes, students who travel worldwide and do a plethora of community service and research projects. I want to be one of those extraordinary students. [Right now, I’m also listening to a Iain McGilchrist’s TED talk on the divided brain, and it’s muy interesante. Check it out.] I can see myself gathering up the courage to ask the professor a question after class and, of course, studying in the grand but cozy library after trudging through snowfall.

I think… this scenarios helped me learn to love the colleges I apply to. Even if I go to community college or UC Riverside–I shudder at the thought–I will look forward to wherever I’m going with vignettes in my mind, the little moments that motivate me. Solitary coffee shop moments, that Friday feeling of relief, having complete control of where I go and what I do in a city that doesn’t operate on traffic reports — the list could go on.

With that said, I have a pre-med test tomorrow. More importantly tomorrow, I have an interview for Smith College that I really want to do well on and a George Washington University conference that I’m ready to be inspired by.

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